Back from vacation...
And where have I been...on a lake, where I fished, alot, and where I was able to be present to the water, the waves, the magnificent sunrises, and sunsets...even the wildly luminous Persiads meteor shower in mid-August that left me in a wonderous state...in the moment of sudden appearances, seemingly out of nowhere, of flashes of light...darting across the sky...most times but a few moments long...
I wonder still whether those magnificent flashes and sudden bursts of light are like Me, or am I like them? Is that my life? or will it be?...but a flash, and how brightly will I shine?
Other times, the "camp", boisterous with friends and family, enjoying laughs, food, drinks, and repeating old patterns in a different place at a different time....nothing new or useful gained except the knowledge that I let many opportunities for my voice to be heard differently...and then the silence.
The last part of the "vacation" spent in isolation with my partner, together, alone, with the silence thundering in my ears at times...and for the most part, I was oblivious to trying to figure things out, not even interested in the least in knowing more, or answering anything...sometimes numb, often times wanting not to be there....with the second week letting the fall hues appear slowly and quietly in the northern woods on the mountain accross the bay...
And I recognize those states when I am not in my body...I know that I don't need to be on vacation to not be present to myself...in fact, it all seems too familiar; because it happens every day!
This "vacation" was bizarre in the sense that for the first time in a long time, I didn't feel I "needed" one! In fact, the best reason I could come up with to be on vacation, other than having booked them, was to detract from the routine and boredome of work, and the work schedule (slow summer at the office)!!! (don't hate me for that....)
I know that as much as I love being with myself and in my thoughts and process, I want people to show up in my days so that I can have conversations that matter...that make a difference...at least to me, and hopefully to them also?!
The gift of giving blood, a massage for my tight back and i'm looking at another weekend already. An extended weekend at that, and what can I look forward to...camp...again...with the promise or really nice weather, another opportunity to fish, be on the water, a sunset or sunrise or two, and silence...I'll make a point of Being fully present this time, as now, so as to not lose myself in the "doing" of camp, and take advantage of the silence in which my spirit, as the shooting stars of August, can shine!
creating at the rhythm of my breath,
RAY

The Flow...

My thoughts in this moment are about WHO I am...and from that, how I live...

I am thinking, and in the presence of the thoughts, connected to the energy that is me ( and flowing through me), that I am...and in this moment, I know that I am not in the flow,

I am the flow!

I am that very thing that is One, with everything, and every-One...that I am not from source, that I am source. I am that which creates, notices, examines, chooses, plays, in other words, engages with, and in, the creation, that stem from the holodeck I have created to play with.

I am everything that folds back into and out of itself, pure energy, like water, flowing, unstoppable because it never began, therefore cannot end...I am eternal, I am infinite...

As I breathe, so does my universe...

creating at the rhythm of my breath,

RAY