"of mice and men"...
The novela by John Steinbeck, or movie, whichever one you might be familiar with (and I'm familiar with both), is a faint memory to me... the details that is, but the life lessons inherent in the story are relevant to me for some reason on this day...in fact, it's the title only that I make reference to in this post today...and without any pejorative to one or the other (mice or men), I am reminded of how I feel sometimes, when I act in a way that isn't "truthful", for me!
When I do not honor the very sensations and movements that flow through me in any given situation, and "please" others over myself, I am left to wonder who it is that I feel more like, "mouse" or "man"?
I become curious as to "In what situations am I "mouse"? In what particular set of circumstances is it easy for me to be "man"? and furthermore, How is it that being "mouse" at times serves me? and how is it that being that does not?
This past weekend seemed a perfect example of my not giving in to the crushing weight of social norms and expectations, and "relationship shouldas". Things were being said for the week prior to that about the "long weekend", camp, having people over, getting things done, etc...and the more the days drew closer to the weekend, I could feel the pressure building inside of me, almost suffocating me to the point I could not even talk about it the day before the "event". So I let it sit; with the clear sense that without knowing what else, it wasn't going to be this (camp and weekend get together)!
Although I could wish I wouldn't put myself through the grinder so much, for so long, I ended up deciding not to go, and to be honest about why I did not want to be there. The release, the flow, and easy smile on my face for the rest of my weekend, doing the things I wanted to do with my son and his friends was quite rewarding. It was a No to not me, and a Yes for Me!
From weightyness, to weightlessness in one "choice" to honor myself, in the moment. One distinct time where judging my actions under the premise of being a mouse or a man wasn't where it was at...it was more personal than that...it was about being human, and trusting that my body wasn't lying to me, faced with an opportunity that was more about what others wanted than what I wanted (camp), and recognizing that, I chose to honor my truth in the moment; not to win, or to "not give in" to another's will, not as a competition, but to be happy and BE more myself in that moment of choosing.
creating at the rhythm of my breath,
RAY