Hello! Bonjour!
I'm Back!!!
I'm back from a wonderful year of living as fully as I could. Back from learning, teaching, Being more of who I am and allowing more of my truth to be heard "out there", in the realm of "professionals", in the realm of family.
I am free in this moment, choosing to let others in on my experience and how that gets expressed.
For those of you who continued to visit, hoping for another entry on the blog, I thank you, and I am sorry to have disappointed if that was the case.
As with everything, I can only know what I know now, in this moment, and that is that I am motivated to write after finally finding my blog again.
I hope this finds you well.
I hope that you are finding a way to walk your path, and live fully, each day, as you engage the truth of your experience, deep inside of you, and that you are minimizing all external referencing.
You are the Essential Being. The only one who can live your life, like only I can live mine.
"No one can purify another. Only we can purify ourselves." Thomas Hora, M.D.
I had another wonderful conversation with my friend and mentor Louise LeBrun yesterday, before making my way home through the beuty of a sunny Fall day. We discussed the nominalization of "depression". A word that generalizes everyone's unique experience of the thoughts and emotions (information and energy) that come up for them, that is felt and manifested differently in each individual. I was happy to share my process of "dealing and managing" depression through the structures of the perspective I used to have and hold (unwittingly/unconsciously) as the only truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth; the "allopathic/medical model" worldview...and to discuss the difference with which I experience life now, based in an understanding of the effects of my past, and how I can now choose from the widest array of possibilities, knowing that who I am now is a Quantum Biological Human Being. (see www.wel-systems.com for more info and insights on this and other models developped by Louise LeBrun).
Bye for now,
Be well!
Creating at the rhythm of my breath,
RAY
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Friday, September 21, 2007
"Real Age"
(wow two posts in the same day...)...
You probably have heard this term of "real age" before...the notion goes like this...that despite all the talk about BMI and perfect body shape and health, that your real age is the true determinent of how healthy you are or how "happy and healthy" you feel. Oprah even had some doctors talk about this concept on one of her shows.
I found such a site through some e-mails that were going around yesterday and decided to "play". (I'm sure by typing in "real age" in your web browser you can find a bunch of info on this...and maybe a game or two).
There were some very interesting inferences or "presuppositions" inserted everywhere in the site I was playing in. I basically had to click on the most appropriate answer or "truest of me" response (already not too precise...right...but I'm playing anyway...).
Now to those of you who've seen me before, you will know that I am no small guy. In the vernacular of modern day alopathic medicine some would call me "obese". I like to think of it more as aspiring to look like the Buddha, himself!? (ha ha...)
The point was that after all of my "critical specs", the analysis was that my real age is that of 35.3 yrs old. Interesting, since my chronological age is nearer to 45 yrs.
I figured, "not bad"! And then a shooting pain from my left knee came up to remind me that I really feel older than I am (at least in that moment!)
What other thing I found fun to think about was that as of today, I am 16,314 days old; as another way of counting from the day I manifested physically in this world.
According to this "real age" site, another point to ponder is that they predict that all things being equal, I should live 'til the age of 83.7 years. Wow! That, according to their calculations, would give me 14,500 more days to live!!!
Of course, depending on your outlook, this could be a double -edged sword (at the least). Of course, no one can "know" how long they are going to live; and my way of thinking these days doesn't dwell so much on quantity as much at quality of life. I would really rather enjoy to have much more quality of life, over a longer period of time, if I could help it. And today, I know that I can (help it).
There's nothing deep and mystical here that I am getting to. Yet the simple notion that the way you feel really determines your quality of life and that from that feeling, you may "increase" your longevity, goes to what we know as our truths: that thoughts are things, and that those "things" (thoughts) shape who and how we are!
Long, and Well, may you live!
Creating at the rhythm of my breath,
RAY
(wow two posts in the same day...)...
You probably have heard this term of "real age" before...the notion goes like this...that despite all the talk about BMI and perfect body shape and health, that your real age is the true determinent of how healthy you are or how "happy and healthy" you feel. Oprah even had some doctors talk about this concept on one of her shows.
I found such a site through some e-mails that were going around yesterday and decided to "play". (I'm sure by typing in "real age" in your web browser you can find a bunch of info on this...and maybe a game or two).
There were some very interesting inferences or "presuppositions" inserted everywhere in the site I was playing in. I basically had to click on the most appropriate answer or "truest of me" response (already not too precise...right...but I'm playing anyway...).
Now to those of you who've seen me before, you will know that I am no small guy. In the vernacular of modern day alopathic medicine some would call me "obese". I like to think of it more as aspiring to look like the Buddha, himself!? (ha ha...)
The point was that after all of my "critical specs", the analysis was that my real age is that of 35.3 yrs old. Interesting, since my chronological age is nearer to 45 yrs.
I figured, "not bad"! And then a shooting pain from my left knee came up to remind me that I really feel older than I am (at least in that moment!)
What other thing I found fun to think about was that as of today, I am 16,314 days old; as another way of counting from the day I manifested physically in this world.
According to this "real age" site, another point to ponder is that they predict that all things being equal, I should live 'til the age of 83.7 years. Wow! That, according to their calculations, would give me 14,500 more days to live!!!
Of course, depending on your outlook, this could be a double -edged sword (at the least). Of course, no one can "know" how long they are going to live; and my way of thinking these days doesn't dwell so much on quantity as much at quality of life. I would really rather enjoy to have much more quality of life, over a longer period of time, if I could help it. And today, I know that I can (help it).
There's nothing deep and mystical here that I am getting to. Yet the simple notion that the way you feel really determines your quality of life and that from that feeling, you may "increase" your longevity, goes to what we know as our truths: that thoughts are things, and that those "things" (thoughts) shape who and how we are!
Long, and Well, may you live!
Creating at the rhythm of my breath,
RAY
"Deciduous?"
In my willingness to play, lately, I had the chance to "be in conversation" with groups at a national mental health conference in Edmonton, Alberta. I presented WEL-systems concepts on two occasions. In the first group, I got through about 3 of the 30 or so power point slides I had prepared for our conversation (just in case). I confirmed again that time is an illusion, and that being "in time" is the best way to forget about the past and the future. In what seemed to be no time at all, an hour and 45 minutes whisped away in a conversation that had everyone's attention. I was "reassured" in some way, that those in the room were hungry for "possibility", for "what's more". The next morning, about 7 out of the 30 slides with more information on "what we are as human beings". Again, I felt the same hunger, and interest, and this was a Sunday morning session after 4 days of conferencing. Again, a two hour session whisped by and connections were made. I was convinced, and stated such in the sessions, that all I could do in the time we had was to get them curious about the weird and wonderful concepts and models I was presenting.... that had made a difference in my life...and lead them to the WEL-Systems web site!
I guess what I had noticed the most out of this experience in Edmonton was how much I really enjoy being in the conversation, leading, guiding, inviting - getting the juice flowing!
I know that I need to honor that in myself and create more spaces and places where I can have those conversations!!!
Mostly because when I'm in the conversation, I remind myself of who I am!
Next year, this same conference is planned to take place in P.E.I.
I have never been out East and aim to be there next year, at this conference, in late September.
And, I know that I cannot wait 'til then to have these conversations that are such a part of my intention in the world.
As I continue to explore how much I can develop the technical skills of drawing and painting, and writing, I know that I must also "be out there". I know that the conversations I have with myself, as fulfilling and fun as they are, do not allow me to exercise the "courage of my convictions" (for lack of a better saying...); nor do they allow my light to shine fully for others to see.
A word caught my attention on a few occasions lately and has resonance with me, in this moment. The word is "deciduous" (see title above). I looked up the definitions given to the word and held to this one: "Falling off or shed, at specific seasons, as petals or leaves".
And then I thought about my habits; of thought, feelings, routines - Beliefs/Values/attitudes.
I know that for me, each day is a new "season". Given my experience of being "in time", lately, I wonder if I can actually live like all of my life can be compressed in "this moment", this "day", and know that I can shed, with every sunrise and sunset, (hey - sounds like a breathing pattern! Doesn't it...? sunset, sunrise, sunset, sunrise....), anything that feels useless, dead, or not useful to me in the moment.
By "shedding" or allowing things to "fall off", without resisting, just "naturally", by allowing myself to choose some other "thing" that would be more in line with who I make myself out to be today, I know that my Life will be enhanced, my tree or my flower will take on new colours and "look alive"!
And so, I hope that I become "deciduous" and that my branches become bare, with each new morning, that I may grow into my renewed fullness, with each new day!
creating at the rhythm of my breath,
RAY
In my willingness to play, lately, I had the chance to "be in conversation" with groups at a national mental health conference in Edmonton, Alberta. I presented WEL-systems concepts on two occasions. In the first group, I got through about 3 of the 30 or so power point slides I had prepared for our conversation (just in case). I confirmed again that time is an illusion, and that being "in time" is the best way to forget about the past and the future. In what seemed to be no time at all, an hour and 45 minutes whisped away in a conversation that had everyone's attention. I was "reassured" in some way, that those in the room were hungry for "possibility", for "what's more". The next morning, about 7 out of the 30 slides with more information on "what we are as human beings". Again, I felt the same hunger, and interest, and this was a Sunday morning session after 4 days of conferencing. Again, a two hour session whisped by and connections were made. I was convinced, and stated such in the sessions, that all I could do in the time we had was to get them curious about the weird and wonderful concepts and models I was presenting.... that had made a difference in my life...and lead them to the WEL-Systems web site!
I guess what I had noticed the most out of this experience in Edmonton was how much I really enjoy being in the conversation, leading, guiding, inviting - getting the juice flowing!
I know that I need to honor that in myself and create more spaces and places where I can have those conversations!!!
Mostly because when I'm in the conversation, I remind myself of who I am!
Next year, this same conference is planned to take place in P.E.I.
I have never been out East and aim to be there next year, at this conference, in late September.
And, I know that I cannot wait 'til then to have these conversations that are such a part of my intention in the world.
As I continue to explore how much I can develop the technical skills of drawing and painting, and writing, I know that I must also "be out there". I know that the conversations I have with myself, as fulfilling and fun as they are, do not allow me to exercise the "courage of my convictions" (for lack of a better saying...); nor do they allow my light to shine fully for others to see.
A word caught my attention on a few occasions lately and has resonance with me, in this moment. The word is "deciduous" (see title above). I looked up the definitions given to the word and held to this one: "Falling off or shed, at specific seasons, as petals or leaves".
And then I thought about my habits; of thought, feelings, routines - Beliefs/Values/attitudes.
I know that for me, each day is a new "season". Given my experience of being "in time", lately, I wonder if I can actually live like all of my life can be compressed in "this moment", this "day", and know that I can shed, with every sunrise and sunset, (hey - sounds like a breathing pattern! Doesn't it...? sunset, sunrise, sunset, sunrise....), anything that feels useless, dead, or not useful to me in the moment.
By "shedding" or allowing things to "fall off", without resisting, just "naturally", by allowing myself to choose some other "thing" that would be more in line with who I make myself out to be today, I know that my Life will be enhanced, my tree or my flower will take on new colours and "look alive"!
And so, I hope that I become "deciduous" and that my branches become bare, with each new morning, that I may grow into my renewed fullness, with each new day!
creating at the rhythm of my breath,
RAY
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Back from vacation...
And where have I been...on a lake, where I fished, alot, and where I was able to be present to the water, the waves, the magnificent sunrises, and sunsets...even the wildly luminous Persiads meteor shower in mid-August that left me in a wonderous state...in the moment of sudden appearances, seemingly out of nowhere, of flashes of light...darting across the sky...most times but a few moments long...
I wonder still whether those magnificent flashes and sudden bursts of light are like Me, or am I like them? Is that my life? or will it be?...but a flash, and how brightly will I shine?
Other times, the "camp", boisterous with friends and family, enjoying laughs, food, drinks, and repeating old patterns in a different place at a different time....nothing new or useful gained except the knowledge that I let many opportunities for my voice to be heard differently...and then the silence.
The last part of the "vacation" spent in isolation with my partner, together, alone, with the silence thundering in my ears at times...and for the most part, I was oblivious to trying to figure things out, not even interested in the least in knowing more, or answering anything...sometimes numb, often times wanting not to be there....with the second week letting the fall hues appear slowly and quietly in the northern woods on the mountain accross the bay...
And I recognize those states when I am not in my body...I know that I don't need to be on vacation to not be present to myself...in fact, it all seems too familiar; because it happens every day!
This "vacation" was bizarre in the sense that for the first time in a long time, I didn't feel I "needed" one! In fact, the best reason I could come up with to be on vacation, other than having booked them, was to detract from the routine and boredome of work, and the work schedule (slow summer at the office)!!! (don't hate me for that....)
I know that as much as I love being with myself and in my thoughts and process, I want people to show up in my days so that I can have conversations that matter...that make a difference...at least to me, and hopefully to them also?!
The gift of giving blood, a massage for my tight back and i'm looking at another weekend already. An extended weekend at that, and what can I look forward to...camp...again...with the promise or really nice weather, another opportunity to fish, be on the water, a sunset or sunrise or two, and silence...I'll make a point of Being fully present this time, as now, so as to not lose myself in the "doing" of camp, and take advantage of the silence in which my spirit, as the shooting stars of August, can shine!
creating at the rhythm of my breath,
RAY
And where have I been...on a lake, where I fished, alot, and where I was able to be present to the water, the waves, the magnificent sunrises, and sunsets...even the wildly luminous Persiads meteor shower in mid-August that left me in a wonderous state...in the moment of sudden appearances, seemingly out of nowhere, of flashes of light...darting across the sky...most times but a few moments long...
I wonder still whether those magnificent flashes and sudden bursts of light are like Me, or am I like them? Is that my life? or will it be?...but a flash, and how brightly will I shine?
Other times, the "camp", boisterous with friends and family, enjoying laughs, food, drinks, and repeating old patterns in a different place at a different time....nothing new or useful gained except the knowledge that I let many opportunities for my voice to be heard differently...and then the silence.
The last part of the "vacation" spent in isolation with my partner, together, alone, with the silence thundering in my ears at times...and for the most part, I was oblivious to trying to figure things out, not even interested in the least in knowing more, or answering anything...sometimes numb, often times wanting not to be there....with the second week letting the fall hues appear slowly and quietly in the northern woods on the mountain accross the bay...
And I recognize those states when I am not in my body...I know that I don't need to be on vacation to not be present to myself...in fact, it all seems too familiar; because it happens every day!
This "vacation" was bizarre in the sense that for the first time in a long time, I didn't feel I "needed" one! In fact, the best reason I could come up with to be on vacation, other than having booked them, was to detract from the routine and boredome of work, and the work schedule (slow summer at the office)!!! (don't hate me for that....)
I know that as much as I love being with myself and in my thoughts and process, I want people to show up in my days so that I can have conversations that matter...that make a difference...at least to me, and hopefully to them also?!
The gift of giving blood, a massage for my tight back and i'm looking at another weekend already. An extended weekend at that, and what can I look forward to...camp...again...with the promise or really nice weather, another opportunity to fish, be on the water, a sunset or sunrise or two, and silence...I'll make a point of Being fully present this time, as now, so as to not lose myself in the "doing" of camp, and take advantage of the silence in which my spirit, as the shooting stars of August, can shine!
creating at the rhythm of my breath,
RAY
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
The Flow...
My thoughts in this moment are about WHO I am...and from that, how I live...
I am thinking, and in the presence of the thoughts, connected to the energy that is me ( and flowing through me), that I am...and in this moment, I know that I am not in the flow,
I am the flow!
I am that very thing that is One, with everything, and every-One...that I am not from source, that I am source. I am that which creates, notices, examines, chooses, plays, in other words, engages with, and in, the creation, that stem from the holodeck I have created to play with.
I am everything that folds back into and out of itself, pure energy, like water, flowing, unstoppable because it never began, therefore cannot end...I am eternal, I am infinite...
As I breathe, so does my universe...
creating at the rhythm of my breath,
RAY
My thoughts in this moment are about WHO I am...and from that, how I live...
I am thinking, and in the presence of the thoughts, connected to the energy that is me ( and flowing through me), that I am...and in this moment, I know that I am not in the flow,
I am the flow!
I am that very thing that is One, with everything, and every-One...that I am not from source, that I am source. I am that which creates, notices, examines, chooses, plays, in other words, engages with, and in, the creation, that stem from the holodeck I have created to play with.
I am everything that folds back into and out of itself, pure energy, like water, flowing, unstoppable because it never began, therefore cannot end...I am eternal, I am infinite...
As I breathe, so does my universe...
creating at the rhythm of my breath,
RAY
Thursday, July 26, 2007
...Being a "practitioner"...
Hello to all who have been waiting for my "next" post. I can't believe how long its' been, yet the evidence is in the date I posted my last blog to this site! And to any persons who may be new to this blog and have just happened to pass this way, welcome.
My attention is fleeting, to say the least, when it comes to the things I do, and the things I commit to. I have to admit that... and in noticing it, I find it funny and interesting, and laugh at myself, and know that I can choose to be different if and when I choose to do so. Hence, the long time since my last post on this blog. Other "do's" have gotten my attention.
The one thing I am never away from is my Self. I commit to being aware and in tune with how I'm feeling and what thoughts and signals are moving in me and through me each day. The cost of not doing so is too great. Being asleep to my experiences and truth is too costly a price and going to sleep is almost impossible now that I am awake and aware to the degree that I am.
Getting to the point of the title of this post....As recently as this past weekend, I was pulled to attend a 2 day oil painting technical class on the Alla Prima method. The reasons I was pulled to attend this particular class were that I had become frustrated in my ability to create painted expressions of my experience that were clear, and which represented the many facets of the images that would appear to me when I opened myself up to the creative process through painting.
The other reason was that I don't know myself to have the patience and time, when drawing or painting, to take three days to come to a final representation of what's moving through me. So the Alla Prima method, which is a one step whole approach to finishing an oil painting sounded really really good to me! I knew I was stepping into a big "I don't know what I don't know" weekend, and I was right...almost everything the teacher said, I knew almost nothing about or near nothing....
What was so interesting about it was how trained artists see "things". I learned that artists train long and hard to "not see what they see"! That is, you're not supposed to paint the "representation" of the things you see (the nominalization of "eye"). For example, the eye is not an eye, but a series of shapes like circles, triangles, and other angles intertwined, with depths of shading, colouring and different "values" (a technical term to bring your attention to the intensity of the colour you are looking at as it relates to other colours in the picture you are making.) Another concept that blew me away was that of "negative space" or angles. Those are the lines and shadings around the thing you are painting, that are "not the thing you are painting". I found out that we can make a very close representation of something, just by drawing what's around it and not the thing itself!? Neat stuff!
AND, so what? Well, as thoroughly interesting as all of this "technical stuff" was, I was also very aware that those other six persons in the class with me, who considered themselves to be artists, gave me no indication of their own awareness about what it meant to be creative!
It struck me, that these "artists" all seemed to think that the creativity was in the picture they were putting on canvas, and not in "them"! (I am quite aware of the mind reads and assumptions I am making here, but that's my experience of those moments).
On more than one occasion, as I expressed that my goals were not to become an artist, but to become better at expressing what was moving through me, the teacher of the day looked at me in wonder, and said such things like "I hope were not spoiling you with this technical stuff", "in some ways you are the perfect student by being open to everything and every note of help I offer!", "you have what is important to start with and what not to lose as an artist".
I knew I was off to a good start, even before the teacher offered his comments.
Another thing I am noticing and am reminded of is that no matter how I approach pictures or portraits, from full out expressiveness to more technical approaches of representing my experience, the "quality of the result of making a picture mostly comes down to being a practitionner! The more I do something, the better I get at it, whether that is repeating habits that don't lead to the things I want, or to breathing with intention and to being open to allowing for questions to flow without resistance through the day. I am also mindful that although "technical ability" is not absolutely necessary to expressing anything, the right approach will get you there more efficiently and probably more effectively than other methods.
So I am grateful to know now, that I need to become a much better "drawer" in order to be a better painter; that if I want to catch the depth and nuances of the expressions that are mine to make, that I need to "train my eyes diferently" than I have before, to see things differently.
Much like Life, if I have always used or relied on my mind to solve everything, or to "get it", or thought that my mind is the only tool I have to "think" with, I may be limiting the scope of what is possible for me, and certainly will be less efficient and effective at moving through the experiences that are mine to have, or not. Certainly, if I find a different way of being, of paying attention, of seeing, and breathing, and become a practitioner of these things, I will be less frustrated in living the way I want to live!
creating at the rhythm of my breath,
RAY
Hello to all who have been waiting for my "next" post. I can't believe how long its' been, yet the evidence is in the date I posted my last blog to this site! And to any persons who may be new to this blog and have just happened to pass this way, welcome.
My attention is fleeting, to say the least, when it comes to the things I do, and the things I commit to. I have to admit that... and in noticing it, I find it funny and interesting, and laugh at myself, and know that I can choose to be different if and when I choose to do so. Hence, the long time since my last post on this blog. Other "do's" have gotten my attention.
The one thing I am never away from is my Self. I commit to being aware and in tune with how I'm feeling and what thoughts and signals are moving in me and through me each day. The cost of not doing so is too great. Being asleep to my experiences and truth is too costly a price and going to sleep is almost impossible now that I am awake and aware to the degree that I am.
Getting to the point of the title of this post....As recently as this past weekend, I was pulled to attend a 2 day oil painting technical class on the Alla Prima method. The reasons I was pulled to attend this particular class were that I had become frustrated in my ability to create painted expressions of my experience that were clear, and which represented the many facets of the images that would appear to me when I opened myself up to the creative process through painting.
The other reason was that I don't know myself to have the patience and time, when drawing or painting, to take three days to come to a final representation of what's moving through me. So the Alla Prima method, which is a one step whole approach to finishing an oil painting sounded really really good to me! I knew I was stepping into a big "I don't know what I don't know" weekend, and I was right...almost everything the teacher said, I knew almost nothing about or near nothing....
What was so interesting about it was how trained artists see "things". I learned that artists train long and hard to "not see what they see"! That is, you're not supposed to paint the "representation" of the things you see (the nominalization of "eye"). For example, the eye is not an eye, but a series of shapes like circles, triangles, and other angles intertwined, with depths of shading, colouring and different "values" (a technical term to bring your attention to the intensity of the colour you are looking at as it relates to other colours in the picture you are making.) Another concept that blew me away was that of "negative space" or angles. Those are the lines and shadings around the thing you are painting, that are "not the thing you are painting". I found out that we can make a very close representation of something, just by drawing what's around it and not the thing itself!? Neat stuff!
AND, so what? Well, as thoroughly interesting as all of this "technical stuff" was, I was also very aware that those other six persons in the class with me, who considered themselves to be artists, gave me no indication of their own awareness about what it meant to be creative!
It struck me, that these "artists" all seemed to think that the creativity was in the picture they were putting on canvas, and not in "them"! (I am quite aware of the mind reads and assumptions I am making here, but that's my experience of those moments).
On more than one occasion, as I expressed that my goals were not to become an artist, but to become better at expressing what was moving through me, the teacher of the day looked at me in wonder, and said such things like "I hope were not spoiling you with this technical stuff", "in some ways you are the perfect student by being open to everything and every note of help I offer!", "you have what is important to start with and what not to lose as an artist".
I knew I was off to a good start, even before the teacher offered his comments.
Another thing I am noticing and am reminded of is that no matter how I approach pictures or portraits, from full out expressiveness to more technical approaches of representing my experience, the "quality of the result of making a picture mostly comes down to being a practitionner! The more I do something, the better I get at it, whether that is repeating habits that don't lead to the things I want, or to breathing with intention and to being open to allowing for questions to flow without resistance through the day. I am also mindful that although "technical ability" is not absolutely necessary to expressing anything, the right approach will get you there more efficiently and probably more effectively than other methods.
So I am grateful to know now, that I need to become a much better "drawer" in order to be a better painter; that if I want to catch the depth and nuances of the expressions that are mine to make, that I need to "train my eyes diferently" than I have before, to see things differently.
Much like Life, if I have always used or relied on my mind to solve everything, or to "get it", or thought that my mind is the only tool I have to "think" with, I may be limiting the scope of what is possible for me, and certainly will be less efficient and effective at moving through the experiences that are mine to have, or not. Certainly, if I find a different way of being, of paying attention, of seeing, and breathing, and become a practitioner of these things, I will be less frustrated in living the way I want to live!
creating at the rhythm of my breath,
RAY
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
"of mice and men"...
The novela by John Steinbeck, or movie, whichever one you might be familiar with (and I'm familiar with both), is a faint memory to me... the details that is, but the life lessons inherent in the story are relevant to me for some reason on this day...in fact, it's the title only that I make reference to in this post today...and without any pejorative to one or the other (mice or men), I am reminded of how I feel sometimes, when I act in a way that isn't "truthful", for me!
When I do not honor the very sensations and movements that flow through me in any given situation, and "please" others over myself, I am left to wonder who it is that I feel more like, "mouse" or "man"?
I become curious as to "In what situations am I "mouse"? In what particular set of circumstances is it easy for me to be "man"? and furthermore, How is it that being "mouse" at times serves me? and how is it that being that does not?
This past weekend seemed a perfect example of my not giving in to the crushing weight of social norms and expectations, and "relationship shouldas". Things were being said for the week prior to that about the "long weekend", camp, having people over, getting things done, etc...and the more the days drew closer to the weekend, I could feel the pressure building inside of me, almost suffocating me to the point I could not even talk about it the day before the "event". So I let it sit; with the clear sense that without knowing what else, it wasn't going to be this (camp and weekend get together)!
Although I could wish I wouldn't put myself through the grinder so much, for so long, I ended up deciding not to go, and to be honest about why I did not want to be there. The release, the flow, and easy smile on my face for the rest of my weekend, doing the things I wanted to do with my son and his friends was quite rewarding. It was a No to not me, and a Yes for Me!
From weightyness, to weightlessness in one "choice" to honor myself, in the moment. One distinct time where judging my actions under the premise of being a mouse or a man wasn't where it was at...it was more personal than that...it was about being human, and trusting that my body wasn't lying to me, faced with an opportunity that was more about what others wanted than what I wanted (camp), and recognizing that, I chose to honor my truth in the moment; not to win, or to "not give in" to another's will, not as a competition, but to be happy and BE more myself in that moment of choosing.
creating at the rhythm of my breath,
RAY
The novela by John Steinbeck, or movie, whichever one you might be familiar with (and I'm familiar with both), is a faint memory to me... the details that is, but the life lessons inherent in the story are relevant to me for some reason on this day...in fact, it's the title only that I make reference to in this post today...and without any pejorative to one or the other (mice or men), I am reminded of how I feel sometimes, when I act in a way that isn't "truthful", for me!
When I do not honor the very sensations and movements that flow through me in any given situation, and "please" others over myself, I am left to wonder who it is that I feel more like, "mouse" or "man"?
I become curious as to "In what situations am I "mouse"? In what particular set of circumstances is it easy for me to be "man"? and furthermore, How is it that being "mouse" at times serves me? and how is it that being that does not?
This past weekend seemed a perfect example of my not giving in to the crushing weight of social norms and expectations, and "relationship shouldas". Things were being said for the week prior to that about the "long weekend", camp, having people over, getting things done, etc...and the more the days drew closer to the weekend, I could feel the pressure building inside of me, almost suffocating me to the point I could not even talk about it the day before the "event". So I let it sit; with the clear sense that without knowing what else, it wasn't going to be this (camp and weekend get together)!
Although I could wish I wouldn't put myself through the grinder so much, for so long, I ended up deciding not to go, and to be honest about why I did not want to be there. The release, the flow, and easy smile on my face for the rest of my weekend, doing the things I wanted to do with my son and his friends was quite rewarding. It was a No to not me, and a Yes for Me!
From weightyness, to weightlessness in one "choice" to honor myself, in the moment. One distinct time where judging my actions under the premise of being a mouse or a man wasn't where it was at...it was more personal than that...it was about being human, and trusting that my body wasn't lying to me, faced with an opportunity that was more about what others wanted than what I wanted (camp), and recognizing that, I chose to honor my truth in the moment; not to win, or to "not give in" to another's will, not as a competition, but to be happy and BE more myself in that moment of choosing.
creating at the rhythm of my breath,
RAY
Friday, May 11, 2007
Living Intentionally
from time to time, I can only imagine living "intentionally" (living with my intention for my Life, clearly in front of me, pulling me forward). Yet, I know I am aware and moving intentionally through more days than I ever have before, 5 years hence. And, I have noticed how easy it is to just be alive, taking for granted that I am, and falling back into the mode that simply allows "life to happen".
It is in those moments of awakening that I realize that I have gone back to sleep, and allowed "life to happen", pulled by many demands, interests rather than passions, chores rather than responsibilities, and feel the pain of having allowed myself to move away from what really calls to me; what it is I am, and away from the things that allow me to feel that I am thriving!
I notice that the more I get caught up in the motions of doing for the sake of doing, even doing things I despise, that I lose the sense of who I am, and become a pawn in someone elses game; that I lose my shape and my boundaries get less defined...my picture, unclear, my sound without harmony. And my plans for myself, a few more months away, and further by years I've "wasted"...
To be in tune with my sound, with my Self, is to live fully in line with my intention clearly in front of me, guided by my core value: flow, supported by space and movement!
In this moment, I am aware of my boredom with some paths I am on, and with some persons with whom I spend entirely too much time with. I also notice that I don't connect with those with whom I am sure my life could be enriched...those for whom the norm of daily conversations is hightened, and makes a difference, to me, just by engaging with them. J.Z. Knight (Ramtha) once wrote that "boredom may mean that we are done learning from that thing we are bored with" (to paraphrase). I wonder if at this time, I am done with some people. Maybe I am tired of "trying to get people to wake up" or "waiting for them to wake up". Maybe some people just don't get it, no matter how much I step into my own space and open space up for them to step into it...???
If I tell myself my own truth in this moment, and hear myself clearly, I'd say that I'm done with living other people's dreams for me, and their dreams for them. Releasing the trapeze bar, to cross the chasm of "choice", to grasp onto something new, on the other side, with my now empty hands, is what this moment feels like...
as I breathe, I know that is my truth, in this moment.
Creating at the rhythm of my breath,
RAY
from time to time, I can only imagine living "intentionally" (living with my intention for my Life, clearly in front of me, pulling me forward). Yet, I know I am aware and moving intentionally through more days than I ever have before, 5 years hence. And, I have noticed how easy it is to just be alive, taking for granted that I am, and falling back into the mode that simply allows "life to happen".
It is in those moments of awakening that I realize that I have gone back to sleep, and allowed "life to happen", pulled by many demands, interests rather than passions, chores rather than responsibilities, and feel the pain of having allowed myself to move away from what really calls to me; what it is I am, and away from the things that allow me to feel that I am thriving!
I notice that the more I get caught up in the motions of doing for the sake of doing, even doing things I despise, that I lose the sense of who I am, and become a pawn in someone elses game; that I lose my shape and my boundaries get less defined...my picture, unclear, my sound without harmony. And my plans for myself, a few more months away, and further by years I've "wasted"...
To be in tune with my sound, with my Self, is to live fully in line with my intention clearly in front of me, guided by my core value: flow, supported by space and movement!
In this moment, I am aware of my boredom with some paths I am on, and with some persons with whom I spend entirely too much time with. I also notice that I don't connect with those with whom I am sure my life could be enriched...those for whom the norm of daily conversations is hightened, and makes a difference, to me, just by engaging with them. J.Z. Knight (Ramtha) once wrote that "boredom may mean that we are done learning from that thing we are bored with" (to paraphrase). I wonder if at this time, I am done with some people. Maybe I am tired of "trying to get people to wake up" or "waiting for them to wake up". Maybe some people just don't get it, no matter how much I step into my own space and open space up for them to step into it...???
If I tell myself my own truth in this moment, and hear myself clearly, I'd say that I'm done with living other people's dreams for me, and their dreams for them. Releasing the trapeze bar, to cross the chasm of "choice", to grasp onto something new, on the other side, with my now empty hands, is what this moment feels like...
as I breathe, I know that is my truth, in this moment.
Creating at the rhythm of my breath,
RAY
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