Layers over layers over layers...
The "depth" of the conversation we have with ourselves and with others leads to the results we get. In life, in relationships, at work...and most of us, at any time of day have conversations that represent the safest possible words we can say in that moment. There's intelligence to that. And it has consequences!
We need to feel safe to allow ourselves to dive into saying "something different" than we always have; maybe, like, the truth! Our truth... in the moment!?
I found myself in a stalemate recently. I found myself paralysed by a conversation I was having with myself about what I felt were pressing issues in my life these days. The conversation and its details aren't important. The process to me was familiar and I found myself, in a habit or strategy that I run when I'm unsure of what it is I want or need to say: I get quiet! And in that "state", my partner notices. Why? because the heavyness of the silence comes out loud and clear. And I felt intense pressure in my chest and that was a clue to me (because I practice being tuned-in to these things) that something I was experiencing ( the inside conversation) might be about what I believed, or valued...or an attitude I hold that was being pressed up against!
So, knowing what I know, I kept paying attention to it, where it lived, in my body, in my chest...and I kept breathing, and stayed with it, all-the-while moving through my days at work and home, anywhere I went.
I guessed that the sensations in my chest held some substantive information for me because it felt that big! yet, I trusted the movement and the processing capacity of my body, to allow and invite the waves to move however and whenever they wanted to.
When my chest finally softened 3 days later, when I felt "settled"...this time, I had clarity on what it was that was important, to me, in that conversation I was having. I then was able to have that outward conversation with my partner about my process its results. She nows knows me a little better, and I know myself a little better than I did a few days ago...and I keep on peeling back the layers of history, to discover who I am becoming in the present!
How many times have you found yourself in conversations that really don't matter? In conversations that touch or even, only skim the surface of your experience?
My guess is that it happens more often than we care to admit!
Even in those relationships where we are taught to believe that we are supposed to be "intimate", I have observed and experienced in the past, that those conversations roll at the environmental and behavioral levels (what, where, and when questions)....And although these kinds of conversation get things "done", they don't let others in, nor let us know, about "who" we are and what really is important to us!!!
To get there, and do that, we must become willing to go inside, go deeper inside, and consider those conversations we're having with ourselves, and then become willing, in our courage or assuredness, to allow our truths to flow through the shape our words and voices take. (sometimes we "vote with our feet" too! You know, showing up or not in places we want or don't want to be...).
I'm convinced and I invite those of you for whom quality of life is important, to consider at what level, what layer are you operating at, and is that really getting it done for you?! Do you feel like anyone is "getting you"? Or not?! Do you often feel invisible? And is that serving you well somehow?
We are much more than the surface layer conversations, words, things we say and do! When we dig for gold, we have to mine deep inside the ground to find the "veins", the motherload! I wonder what we would experience if we allowed ourselves to mine our gold? to dig deep through the many layers of our experience....and stake our claim! Only then can we really let others know how brightly we shine and the value we bring to the world!
creating at the rhythm of my breath,
RAY
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
The "Inside" Man
Many concepts come to mind when I think about how the world has come to describe what's going on "inside" of me. From the "ghost in the machine", to the inner child, the spiritual self, the dark man, the hidden self, the real self, the id, ego, and superego, the man in the machine, the addicted personality, the sexual animal, etc.... All are attempts at conceptualizing, understanding, explaining "what" we are; analyzing, rationalizing, intellectualizing the "great mystery". All, to me, boxes that are too small to capture the full essence of what and who we are; hence, minimizing any potential for achieving our greatness!
My experience has brought me to the point of believing that we are more. Without knowing what that more is, more than anyone can really describe or analyze. And don't we often sit down and wonder what else there is to life than that which we have?! I have come to believe that the way we hold ourselves and the beliefs we carry about who and what we are shape our everyday experience very directly; from how we feel when we wake up, to how our day unfolds, and how we feel about it all when we go to bed at night.
And there's a pressing need for me to talk with you, my brothers, the men of the world, and invite you to consider who you are, and what is possible for you as you move through this time we call our lifetime!? Why? Because we are dying way too early. Because we are living in mysery way longer than we really need to. Because, I believe, our children, our world, need us as full participants in the evolution of the world. Because I believe we can move from being part of the problem (for those who would believe that), to being part of the solution. Because too many of our brothers are hurting, maiming, killing and abusing others!
The paradox is that I don't think I or anyone else is "served" by remaining unwilling to see that change is inevitable, and that it really becomes about choosing the results we want, rather than allowing things to "end up" at places and states we could have predicted, with minimal attention and clarity. After all, "if we don't change our direction, we are likely to end up where we are headed" (Chinese Proverb). And where we are headed, to me, doesn't look good right now!
If this all seems superfluous or way too complicated, allow to me to offer you a simplification:
There are only two things going on in the world: the conversation you have with yourself, and the conversation you have with the world (see "Fully Alive from 9 to 5" from Louise LeBrun at www.wel-systems.com for an expansive conversation on this concept). The thing is that the conversation you have with the world can't change until the conversation you have with yourself changes! Bummer, right? Well, not really, when you see the empowerment that can bring!
There are others, philosophers, quantum scientists, great thinkers, those who have paid attention, and most of their adult lives to observe and experience these things, who agree that "there is no out there, out there". I have come to know this. My experience is such that I know that when I want change "out there", that I get quicker and more of the results I actually want, when the conversation changes "inside" of me, where I live!
Consider this....there is no emotion that sits in a corner waiting for you to pick it up; there is no stress waiting for you in a bucket in a closet somewhere; there is no thought, waiting for you to snag it on the way through the hallway to your office...it's all inside, Man!
So my invitation to you becomes this: pay attention to the conversation that's going on inside! start paying attention to the "movements" in your body, where you live, and allow yourself to experience the signals from within that allow you to feel and to know when yes means yes, and when no means no; or when something else "tells" you "Not now", or "Later".
If, like most of my brothers, and buddies, you walk through your day wondering how you got into the mess your in, or how to avoid things getting worse, or how you can ditch this other guy that you can't stand having around you wihtout getting into a fist fight or hurting his feelings; or if you are that other guy that beats his wife or girlfriend, or slaps and otherwise physically, sexually, financially tries to control others, including young children....as long as you are breathing, it's not too late to "change"!
No matter how big or how small the "issues" of your life seem; YOU can CHANGE!
If you pay attention, become aware of what's going on inside of you, and consider the results in your life, about everything that matters to you, it becomes easier to see, to name, then act on the very things you want to change. I've never known anyone to wake up and ask:"How can I screw up my day today?" Yet, so many of our days seem to have those "results" we never would have wished for. What's going on? My guess is that we're sleeping, unaware, disengaged, disconnected from the things that are going on, and where they are going on: "inside"! Where life goes on.
We are not brought up to be individuals. We are brought up to fit in! And fitting in has its apparent benefits, but it also has its clear consequences! Fitting in, to me, means diminishing or limiting who I am, my potential. My individuality can only be expressed in a way I choose, not in a paint by numbers world we are forced into before we even have a chance at arguing about it when we're 5 years old.
If you're already walking down a path that's been carved out before you, or for you...you've got to wonder if it's "your" path?! My belief about it is that my path is not yet carved out, because I am still carving it, moment by moment, one step in front of the other.
Someone once said that not contemplating our Life for all that it can be, our potential, is like being 3/4 dead already...I believe in our potential, I know that there is much more available to me today than there ever was for me before, because I have changed, not because it wasn't possible before, but because I couldn't see it there.
Go inside! Go deep! Pay attention to what's real and true for YOU! then consider what's in your life and who's in your life and look at those simply as results of the multitude of choices you have made so far, and then consider that you can choose again, and create a life that means something to you, that holds value, and most importantly, supports and sustains who you know you can become.
creating at the rhythm of my breath,
RAY
Many concepts come to mind when I think about how the world has come to describe what's going on "inside" of me. From the "ghost in the machine", to the inner child, the spiritual self, the dark man, the hidden self, the real self, the id, ego, and superego, the man in the machine, the addicted personality, the sexual animal, etc.... All are attempts at conceptualizing, understanding, explaining "what" we are; analyzing, rationalizing, intellectualizing the "great mystery". All, to me, boxes that are too small to capture the full essence of what and who we are; hence, minimizing any potential for achieving our greatness!
My experience has brought me to the point of believing that we are more. Without knowing what that more is, more than anyone can really describe or analyze. And don't we often sit down and wonder what else there is to life than that which we have?! I have come to believe that the way we hold ourselves and the beliefs we carry about who and what we are shape our everyday experience very directly; from how we feel when we wake up, to how our day unfolds, and how we feel about it all when we go to bed at night.
And there's a pressing need for me to talk with you, my brothers, the men of the world, and invite you to consider who you are, and what is possible for you as you move through this time we call our lifetime!? Why? Because we are dying way too early. Because we are living in mysery way longer than we really need to. Because, I believe, our children, our world, need us as full participants in the evolution of the world. Because I believe we can move from being part of the problem (for those who would believe that), to being part of the solution. Because too many of our brothers are hurting, maiming, killing and abusing others!
The paradox is that I don't think I or anyone else is "served" by remaining unwilling to see that change is inevitable, and that it really becomes about choosing the results we want, rather than allowing things to "end up" at places and states we could have predicted, with minimal attention and clarity. After all, "if we don't change our direction, we are likely to end up where we are headed" (Chinese Proverb). And where we are headed, to me, doesn't look good right now!
If this all seems superfluous or way too complicated, allow to me to offer you a simplification:
There are only two things going on in the world: the conversation you have with yourself, and the conversation you have with the world (see "Fully Alive from 9 to 5" from Louise LeBrun at www.wel-systems.com for an expansive conversation on this concept). The thing is that the conversation you have with the world can't change until the conversation you have with yourself changes! Bummer, right? Well, not really, when you see the empowerment that can bring!
There are others, philosophers, quantum scientists, great thinkers, those who have paid attention, and most of their adult lives to observe and experience these things, who agree that "there is no out there, out there". I have come to know this. My experience is such that I know that when I want change "out there", that I get quicker and more of the results I actually want, when the conversation changes "inside" of me, where I live!
Consider this....there is no emotion that sits in a corner waiting for you to pick it up; there is no stress waiting for you in a bucket in a closet somewhere; there is no thought, waiting for you to snag it on the way through the hallway to your office...it's all inside, Man!
So my invitation to you becomes this: pay attention to the conversation that's going on inside! start paying attention to the "movements" in your body, where you live, and allow yourself to experience the signals from within that allow you to feel and to know when yes means yes, and when no means no; or when something else "tells" you "Not now", or "Later".
If, like most of my brothers, and buddies, you walk through your day wondering how you got into the mess your in, or how to avoid things getting worse, or how you can ditch this other guy that you can't stand having around you wihtout getting into a fist fight or hurting his feelings; or if you are that other guy that beats his wife or girlfriend, or slaps and otherwise physically, sexually, financially tries to control others, including young children....as long as you are breathing, it's not too late to "change"!
No matter how big or how small the "issues" of your life seem; YOU can CHANGE!
If you pay attention, become aware of what's going on inside of you, and consider the results in your life, about everything that matters to you, it becomes easier to see, to name, then act on the very things you want to change. I've never known anyone to wake up and ask:"How can I screw up my day today?" Yet, so many of our days seem to have those "results" we never would have wished for. What's going on? My guess is that we're sleeping, unaware, disengaged, disconnected from the things that are going on, and where they are going on: "inside"! Where life goes on.
We are not brought up to be individuals. We are brought up to fit in! And fitting in has its apparent benefits, but it also has its clear consequences! Fitting in, to me, means diminishing or limiting who I am, my potential. My individuality can only be expressed in a way I choose, not in a paint by numbers world we are forced into before we even have a chance at arguing about it when we're 5 years old.
If you're already walking down a path that's been carved out before you, or for you...you've got to wonder if it's "your" path?! My belief about it is that my path is not yet carved out, because I am still carving it, moment by moment, one step in front of the other.
Someone once said that not contemplating our Life for all that it can be, our potential, is like being 3/4 dead already...I believe in our potential, I know that there is much more available to me today than there ever was for me before, because I have changed, not because it wasn't possible before, but because I couldn't see it there.
Go inside! Go deep! Pay attention to what's real and true for YOU! then consider what's in your life and who's in your life and look at those simply as results of the multitude of choices you have made so far, and then consider that you can choose again, and create a life that means something to you, that holds value, and most importantly, supports and sustains who you know you can become.
creating at the rhythm of my breath,
RAY
Monday, March 26, 2007
Letting Go Can Save Your Life!
I was amazed at the great metaphor that was made available to me this morning in the story of Carole Grant-Sullivan, who was interviewed on CBC radio's program The Current.
She went on to describe how she found herself climbing in South America (The Andes), and in the blink of an eye, while near a peak, she suddenly lost her grip and footing and fell. The height of the fall was measured to be approximately 2,000 feet; higher than the CN Tower!
The metaphor for me came in what she described as the thing that saved her life. She descibed that, as she was in full fall, with her back to the rocky and snowy ground she was expecting to hit any second, a voice came to her telling her to "stay loose, stay flexible" instead of instinctually "bracing" (hardening up) for the impact! and although she could not remember anything else until she came to a full stop on the side of the high mountain, she has no doubt that having done so (stayed soft and letting go), saved her life.
Wow! I thought. What a metaphor for my life!
How often have I found things "harder" than they really were; or made things more difficult myself by holding on to ideas (beliefs, attitudes) that we're bumping up against the thing I was experiencing. I wonder how many heart attacks and strokes might be avoided, if we were made to believe that "softening and being flexible" in the chest area might prevent such things?
Can you imagine a harder impact than a 2000 foot fall onto a rocky cliff side?
I wonder what are the rocks for which we are bracing ourselves, that we might otherwise soften (ourselves) about or become flexible with, before we suffer the big impact?
So often, I have found myself gripping the thing I'm holding onto so hard as to affect the circulation in my hands. There is no way to "grasp" onto something new, some new possibility, when my hands are full, and I don't recognize that it's up to me to let go of the "past" to grab something new that might be more useful to my survival today, this instant?!
It is quite easy for me to remember the many times I was "bracing" myself (worrying, being anxious, nervous, getting depressed) for the "impacts" of my life...and many times, all of that energy went into bracing myself for "imagined impacts" that never developed!
So often, we live in fear, bracing for the things that never happen in the ways we've imagined them. My experience lately is one of "letting go", of softening, being more assured of being present to anything that is going on, rather than preparing for what might come that I may not be ready for. Breathing, trusting my ability to take any fall, only then can I trust myself to fly as high as I want to, knowing that I can survive any landings, as soft or as hard as they come!
creating at the rhythm of my breath,
RAY
I was amazed at the great metaphor that was made available to me this morning in the story of Carole Grant-Sullivan, who was interviewed on CBC radio's program The Current.
She went on to describe how she found herself climbing in South America (The Andes), and in the blink of an eye, while near a peak, she suddenly lost her grip and footing and fell. The height of the fall was measured to be approximately 2,000 feet; higher than the CN Tower!
The metaphor for me came in what she described as the thing that saved her life. She descibed that, as she was in full fall, with her back to the rocky and snowy ground she was expecting to hit any second, a voice came to her telling her to "stay loose, stay flexible" instead of instinctually "bracing" (hardening up) for the impact! and although she could not remember anything else until she came to a full stop on the side of the high mountain, she has no doubt that having done so (stayed soft and letting go), saved her life.
Wow! I thought. What a metaphor for my life!
How often have I found things "harder" than they really were; or made things more difficult myself by holding on to ideas (beliefs, attitudes) that we're bumping up against the thing I was experiencing. I wonder how many heart attacks and strokes might be avoided, if we were made to believe that "softening and being flexible" in the chest area might prevent such things?
Can you imagine a harder impact than a 2000 foot fall onto a rocky cliff side?
I wonder what are the rocks for which we are bracing ourselves, that we might otherwise soften (ourselves) about or become flexible with, before we suffer the big impact?
So often, I have found myself gripping the thing I'm holding onto so hard as to affect the circulation in my hands. There is no way to "grasp" onto something new, some new possibility, when my hands are full, and I don't recognize that it's up to me to let go of the "past" to grab something new that might be more useful to my survival today, this instant?!
It is quite easy for me to remember the many times I was "bracing" myself (worrying, being anxious, nervous, getting depressed) for the "impacts" of my life...and many times, all of that energy went into bracing myself for "imagined impacts" that never developed!
So often, we live in fear, bracing for the things that never happen in the ways we've imagined them. My experience lately is one of "letting go", of softening, being more assured of being present to anything that is going on, rather than preparing for what might come that I may not be ready for. Breathing, trusting my ability to take any fall, only then can I trust myself to fly as high as I want to, knowing that I can survive any landings, as soft or as hard as they come!
creating at the rhythm of my breath,
RAY
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Guys, it's OK to "go deep"!
I've been there and it's beautiful! ... And...I'm not dead yet! In fact, I'm more alive, and happier than I've ever been! My life means something to me now, because it's more "my" life than it has ever been....because I know more about who I am now than I ever have...
The expression "going deep" isn't something that need be reserved only for the play by play of the gridiron - (football for those less initiated...) .
What would happen to our conversations guys, if we were to shout out every time one of our buddies started to talk: "Go DEEP!" as a reminder of where all the reward lies? and know that it would be supported by those around us...How different would that feel?
I expect that the first reaction would be one of shock or disbelief, and the scrunching of noses and eyes with thoughts of "mental illness" permeating our thoughts.
I wonder how "comfortable" we can get at the thought of saying something that feels like the truth of our experience in the moment were thinking it....admitting it to ourselves, and then, maybe letting other guys in on those thoughts?!
Waaaayyyy too weird, right!?
Maybe...certainly, different...yet, how fun is having things be the "same" all the time? and how's it working for you?
How many times have you found yourself, like me, thinking that you couldn't wait to get out of the room, or wishing others would just leave so that you could be alone with your thoughts or your remote control, or web-site, or magazine, or only with the buddies you really wanted to be around you.
The other thing I've discovered about "going deep" is that it has to start with me. I've rarely seen or experienced any guy, buddy, brother, offer to "get into" a topic or personal "problem" unless their was an imminent critical situation brewing...or over a beer, crying because its too late...the other shoe having dropped?!
What is it about having to let the pressure build so much before we "get it" or notice the "signal" that something is moving in there?!
Am I alive, or simply existing? Am I really that guy that my "buddies" know, or is there someone lurking inside this skin shell and is aching to break out?
Is there too much risk in "going deep", and dropping the ball; or looking back and seeing that there is no one their to pass you the ball after you've made a run for it...being left alone, on the field...or even catching that hail mary pass only to get smashed by another bunch of bigger, faster moving guys, who look angry!?
Whatever the case, the choices we make about what we allow others to know about who we really are in the moments stuff perks up inside of us impacts the quality of those relationships and our lives.
Courage, talent, risk taking, strength, truth, honor, are not only the domain of athletes and those who would achieve "great things" professionally; they are the domain of every man/person who lives by his own truth, and is willing and able to stand alone, in that truth and let himself be known for who he truly is!
Go deep, for glory...Go deep, for your own truth...go deep, for your own sake!
The quality of your life, and those around you may depend on it!
And, you may find yourself looking around one day, and notice that there are plenty other players on the field, playing the same game you are.
creating at the rhythm of my breath,
RAY
I've been there and it's beautiful! ... And...I'm not dead yet! In fact, I'm more alive, and happier than I've ever been! My life means something to me now, because it's more "my" life than it has ever been....because I know more about who I am now than I ever have...
The expression "going deep" isn't something that need be reserved only for the play by play of the gridiron - (football for those less initiated...) .
What would happen to our conversations guys, if we were to shout out every time one of our buddies started to talk: "Go DEEP!" as a reminder of where all the reward lies? and know that it would be supported by those around us...How different would that feel?
I expect that the first reaction would be one of shock or disbelief, and the scrunching of noses and eyes with thoughts of "mental illness" permeating our thoughts.
I wonder how "comfortable" we can get at the thought of saying something that feels like the truth of our experience in the moment were thinking it....admitting it to ourselves, and then, maybe letting other guys in on those thoughts?!
Waaaayyyy too weird, right!?
Maybe...certainly, different...yet, how fun is having things be the "same" all the time? and how's it working for you?
How many times have you found yourself, like me, thinking that you couldn't wait to get out of the room, or wishing others would just leave so that you could be alone with your thoughts or your remote control, or web-site, or magazine, or only with the buddies you really wanted to be around you.
The other thing I've discovered about "going deep" is that it has to start with me. I've rarely seen or experienced any guy, buddy, brother, offer to "get into" a topic or personal "problem" unless their was an imminent critical situation brewing...or over a beer, crying because its too late...the other shoe having dropped?!
What is it about having to let the pressure build so much before we "get it" or notice the "signal" that something is moving in there?!
Am I alive, or simply existing? Am I really that guy that my "buddies" know, or is there someone lurking inside this skin shell and is aching to break out?
Is there too much risk in "going deep", and dropping the ball; or looking back and seeing that there is no one their to pass you the ball after you've made a run for it...being left alone, on the field...or even catching that hail mary pass only to get smashed by another bunch of bigger, faster moving guys, who look angry!?
Whatever the case, the choices we make about what we allow others to know about who we really are in the moments stuff perks up inside of us impacts the quality of those relationships and our lives.
Courage, talent, risk taking, strength, truth, honor, are not only the domain of athletes and those who would achieve "great things" professionally; they are the domain of every man/person who lives by his own truth, and is willing and able to stand alone, in that truth and let himself be known for who he truly is!
Go deep, for glory...Go deep, for your own truth...go deep, for your own sake!
The quality of your life, and those around you may depend on it!
And, you may find yourself looking around one day, and notice that there are plenty other players on the field, playing the same game you are.
creating at the rhythm of my breath,
RAY
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Here and Now...
In my continued attempts and efforts at "reaching" and stretching myself forward to what I want, I have found that I often forget about the here and now; and in so doing, I often find myself feeling "troubled", stressed, anxious, etc...There is something about "wanting", that causes me to feel scarcity, or like something is missing from my life; yet, all I've done is notice. Notice that there is something that calls to me in the moment of my noticing that it might be good for me to have this "thing" in my possession or to at least, have it accessible to me.
Other times, I have a clear sense that, in the here and now, in being present to myself, there can be no problems, no tension, no "need", and much less want.
I continue to notice, time after time, that the degree to which I am present in my body and experience, the less I have "challenges", stress, etc...and the clearer I am about my "stance". In the present moment, I am unshakeable....I am...all that I can be!
creating at the rhythm of my breath,
RAY
In my continued attempts and efforts at "reaching" and stretching myself forward to what I want, I have found that I often forget about the here and now; and in so doing, I often find myself feeling "troubled", stressed, anxious, etc...There is something about "wanting", that causes me to feel scarcity, or like something is missing from my life; yet, all I've done is notice. Notice that there is something that calls to me in the moment of my noticing that it might be good for me to have this "thing" in my possession or to at least, have it accessible to me.
Other times, I have a clear sense that, in the here and now, in being present to myself, there can be no problems, no tension, no "need", and much less want.
I continue to notice, time after time, that the degree to which I am present in my body and experience, the less I have "challenges", stress, etc...and the clearer I am about my "stance". In the present moment, I am unshakeable....I am...all that I can be!
creating at the rhythm of my breath,
RAY
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