Living Intentionally
from time to time, I can only imagine living "intentionally" (living with my intention for my Life, clearly in front of me, pulling me forward). Yet, I know I am aware and moving intentionally through more days than I ever have before, 5 years hence. And, I have noticed how easy it is to just be alive, taking for granted that I am, and falling back into the mode that simply allows "life to happen".
It is in those moments of awakening that I realize that I have gone back to sleep, and allowed "life to happen", pulled by many demands, interests rather than passions, chores rather than responsibilities, and feel the pain of having allowed myself to move away from what really calls to me; what it is I am, and away from the things that allow me to feel that I am thriving!
I notice that the more I get caught up in the motions of doing for the sake of doing, even doing things I despise, that I lose the sense of who I am, and become a pawn in someone elses game; that I lose my shape and my boundaries get less defined...my picture, unclear, my sound without harmony. And my plans for myself, a few more months away, and further by years I've "wasted"...
To be in tune with my sound, with my Self, is to live fully in line with my intention clearly in front of me, guided by my core value: flow, supported by space and movement!
In this moment, I am aware of my boredom with some paths I am on, and with some persons with whom I spend entirely too much time with. I also notice that I don't connect with those with whom I am sure my life could be enriched...those for whom the norm of daily conversations is hightened, and makes a difference, to me, just by engaging with them. J.Z. Knight (Ramtha) once wrote that "boredom may mean that we are done learning from that thing we are bored with" (to paraphrase). I wonder if at this time, I am done with some people. Maybe I am tired of "trying to get people to wake up" or "waiting for them to wake up". Maybe some people just don't get it, no matter how much I step into my own space and open space up for them to step into it...???
If I tell myself my own truth in this moment, and hear myself clearly, I'd say that I'm done with living other people's dreams for me, and their dreams for them. Releasing the trapeze bar, to cross the chasm of "choice", to grasp onto something new, on the other side, with my now empty hands, is what this moment feels like...
as I breathe, I know that is my truth, in this moment.
Creating at the rhythm of my breath,
RAY