Relationships
"Don't just get involved, get evolved!"
A sentence I saw somewhere that seemed to hold a whole bunch of stuff for me to consider!?
To me, it made me think of how I define "relationship", a "nominalization" (Def. - code word for experiences we have that are personal, and not exactly like other persons' experiences, but that we talk about like they are real or the same...i.e. - in "reality", I have never seen a "relationship" get up and pay the bill at a restaurant...I've seen a person do that, but not a "relationship"...so are they real? Or are they what we make them out to be? The latter feels truest to me!).

So if I'm left to consider, in my "relating" to someone, what is it that I'm creating? Or, do I try to make every "relationship" I have, fit in the box I call relationships (the beliefs, and attitudes I already have about "them" and what they "should" be as defined by the world)?
In terms of the quotation above, how many of the relationships that I'm "in" actually feel like they help me Be who I am, or help discover something new about myself; or not!? With how many of those persons I'm involved with do I actually claim the space I need to fully step into the unknown, into the tough conversations within myself and with that person I am relating to, that might make a huge difference in the quality of my life?
There is so much more to the possibility of "relations" than being a man, or a woman, in that relationship. There is the weight of all of our experiences, including our cultural and family inheritance of values, beliefs, attitudes, about who others are, to contend with, and who we are in the world and who we are supposed to be in that thing we call "relationship".
So how do we "get evolved" rather than just involved with someone?
Once again, and for always....It's up to YOU!
Not the you of yesterday, or that you believe you've always been, but the YOU who is authentic, in the moment, choosing as you go! If we hold as true, or at least possible, that to create something different, or new, we cannot depend on the past, or what already exists, then we must allow ourselves to consider the next moment, and live in that moment, consistantly, to allow something different to unfold.
That is not a "safe" place to stand for most people. If there are no "rules" about what relationships are, or are supposed to be...that's not alot of "guideposts" for us to measure our experience against! Yet, might it not be exciting to make things up in a way that we might actually care about them? ...that we might feel adventurous and really want to be a part of?
And, I'm not sure if you noticed, but maybe the problems are not the "relationships" were in, but the very "guideposts" we use from which to "compare" or "measure" the quality of those relationships!?
What if, just for a while, we would allow ourselves to be guided by our own internal "guideposts"!
What if we would allow ourselves to pay attention to the signals from within that feel more true, than not; that feel authentic to us, that feel like we actually might be "honoring" ourselves at the time of choosing who and how to Be, in relation with another.
For me, the challenge, and the reward, lies in those times when I know I have been authentic in what I am experiencing, and to have the other clearly see and know me in a deeper and new way.
To get "evolved" with someone, doesn't depend on the "someone"! It depends on my willingness to evolve myself, and to move through uncharted territory sometimes, and to claim what is authentically true for me in the moments they come up.
It's easy to get involved with people...we do it every day, one way or another, because almost none of us live in a vaccuum. Evolving ourselves, and inviting others in that process demands our attention, our awareness of what's going on inside, and choosing in those moments, what next step to take that will create the quality of life we actually want.
creating at the rhythm of my breath,
RAY