Layers over layers over layers...
The "depth" of the conversation we have with ourselves and with others leads to the results we get. In life, in relationships, at work...and most of us, at any time of day have conversations that represent the safest possible words we can say in that moment. There's intelligence to that. And it has consequences!
We need to feel safe to allow ourselves to dive into saying "something different" than we always have; maybe, like, the truth! Our truth... in the moment!?
I found myself in a stalemate recently. I found myself paralysed by a conversation I was having with myself about what I felt were pressing issues in my life these days. The conversation and its details aren't important. The process to me was familiar and I found myself, in a habit or strategy that I run when I'm unsure of what it is I want or need to say: I get quiet! And in that "state", my partner notices. Why? because the heavyness of the silence comes out loud and clear. And I felt intense pressure in my chest and that was a clue to me (because I practice being tuned-in to these things) that something I was experiencing ( the inside conversation) might be about what I believed, or valued...or an attitude I hold that was being pressed up against!
So, knowing what I know, I kept paying attention to it, where it lived, in my body, in my chest...and I kept breathing, and stayed with it, all-the-while moving through my days at work and home, anywhere I went.
I guessed that the sensations in my chest held some substantive information for me because it felt that big! yet, I trusted the movement and the processing capacity of my body, to allow and invite the waves to move however and whenever they wanted to.
When my chest finally softened 3 days later, when I felt "settled"...this time, I had clarity on what it was that was important, to me, in that conversation I was having. I then was able to have that outward conversation with my partner about my process its results. She nows knows me a little better, and I know myself a little better than I did a few days ago...and I keep on peeling back the layers of history, to discover who I am becoming in the present!
How many times have you found yourself in conversations that really don't matter? In conversations that touch or even, only skim the surface of your experience?
My guess is that it happens more often than we care to admit!
Even in those relationships where we are taught to believe that we are supposed to be "intimate", I have observed and experienced in the past, that those conversations roll at the environmental and behavioral levels (what, where, and when questions)....And although these kinds of conversation get things "done", they don't let others in, nor let us know, about "who" we are and what really is important to us!!!
To get there, and do that, we must become willing to go inside, go deeper inside, and consider those conversations we're having with ourselves, and then become willing, in our courage or assuredness, to allow our truths to flow through the shape our words and voices take. (sometimes we "vote with our feet" too! You know, showing up or not in places we want or don't want to be...).
I'm convinced and I invite those of you for whom quality of life is important, to consider at what level, what layer are you operating at, and is that really getting it done for you?! Do you feel like anyone is "getting you"? Or not?! Do you often feel invisible? And is that serving you well somehow?
We are much more than the surface layer conversations, words, things we say and do! When we dig for gold, we have to mine deep inside the ground to find the "veins", the motherload! I wonder what we would experience if we allowed ourselves to mine our gold? to dig deep through the many layers of our experience....and stake our claim! Only then can we really let others know how brightly we shine and the value we bring to the world!
creating at the rhythm of my breath,
RAY